these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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