Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
