alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Randomize
