Who did Billy Mays play for?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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