so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
