i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
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No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This toilet bowl is my home.
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