I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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