I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
