I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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