You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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