He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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