'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
