i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
