Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
