i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
