that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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