Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
