Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
