"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
