Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
