does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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