I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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