apparently the secret to your success is patron
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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