They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Who died my cat blue again?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
