There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
