It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
