He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
