So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
