Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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