My underwear smells like fireworks.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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