Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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