I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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