just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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