dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
