i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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