I cockslap morals
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
a search helicopter?!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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