I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
