I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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