My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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