And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i drank out of a bidet.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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