i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the day after is always just damage control
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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