There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pants are for mortals
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
