It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
