he wants to bone in the snuggie
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
