just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
