Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
