I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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