i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
