You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
