TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
