Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize