You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
