Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
