Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
