I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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