somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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