it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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