people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
