Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
