he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
