wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
