phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
