I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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