I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
