She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Randomize
