i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
