Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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