you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
