i just made my gag reflex go away.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
