he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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