I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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