I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
