hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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